Egypt and Australia

Well, this weekend me and family drove up to Canberra (capital of Australia). We went there because I wanted to see the Egyptian antiquities on display at the National Gallery, on loan from the Louvre.

Being from the Louvre, it is needless to say that is was pretty impressive.

Probably one of my highlights was this sarcophagus they had from a woman. It was made out of stone, and the inscriptions were immaculate. Writing all over the very top (outside), the sides, on the bottom, and even inside of it. THere were inscriptions invoking the various gods etc and they were drawn to perfection. I tried for some time to get a good pic from Google of one at least similar, but I came up empty on that front. We weren't allowed to use cameras so I couldn't take any pics either... Sorry. There was at least one that was similar to the one above, made of wook and painted beautifully. They were also quite impressive...

This one I thought was pretty impressive, it is from the Book Of The Dead, which many scrolls were on display. This, as I was eavesdropping on someone who apparently knew what he was talking about, is a picture of a "guy" who had died (the man in the middle, facing right, next to the scales). His heart is being weighed on the balance, and if it is "pure" it will of exactly the same weight as the "thing" on the other side, which represents ... goodness I guess. I was eaves dropping, come on give me a break and I was carrying Alex, who was bored by this point.

Annnnyyywaay... If his heart was pure, then he goes to heaven and lives out his days, while dead, in happiness. If his heart does not balance equally, then the god doing the weighing there lets the dog-like-actually-multi-animal-parted-thingamabob devour him. So the guy ends up dead ... again... but sent to a hellish place where he becomes surrounded by hordes of swine and foul, and there are no 40 vestigial virgins but instead 40 morbidly obese, hungry men and the god of the underworld instills fear into his very being by first marinating him in a rather tasty honey-soy sauce before dressing him in succulent pork chops, bacon, Krispy Kreme donuts, and Big Macs. Unfortunately, it doesn't end there for him though. As you can see from the picture, he's a rather skinny man, likely able to run faster than the 40 morbidly obese, hungry men who will be chasing him to eat him, the tears of fear he sheds are no longer the tears of mortal men, for he is dead and in hell, so they are in stead Kool Aid. Cherry flavour. But a little too diluted in flavour. This is probably the most (well 2nd most) evil part of ancient Egyptian mythology. Normally, a skinny man can run faster than these obese men. And this holds true in hell. BUT, the hungry obese men DRINK the flowing tears of fear from the man, and they get both energy from the high sugar content, so they can run for longer, and after time, faster, but also they get angry because of the diluted cherry flavour.

Eventually, they catch the man, thus ending the chasing phase of hell. The pursuit takes years and years, and years, but through constant running and drinking diluted Kool aid, thus fueling their anger even more, but quenching their need for drink, the obese men become not so obese. The man cries more, producing more Kool Aid, and creating more anger in his pursuants.

And here's where it becomes really bad for the guy. In ancient Egypt, they didn't know that being morbidly obese was bad, so the recently obese men want to become obese again. And when they catch the man, the tears are no longer diluted Kool Aid, but the tears become gravy. The recently obese men then go into a feeding frenzy and eat from the man, all at the same time, his constantly replenishing supply of now gravy covered pork chops, bacon, Big Macs and Donuts.

This feasting stage, as with the chasing stage, lasts several years. Until the recently obese men are no longer recently obese, but presently obese men. This is a transition phase of Egyptian hell, as the man (who died) realizes that he can finally escape the grasps of the presently obese men.

Once successful, he runs. Thus beginning the chasing phase of hell again. This cycle continues for an eternity...cycling between the chasing and feasting stages.....

I was eaves dropping on the guy, and I 'm pretty sure that's what he said.